Conversations with Friends: Warning!

Kate: Asa man mo tukar imo friend?
Me: Sa Kukuk's.
Kate: Warning!!! Ayaw gyud lingkod or sandig sa ilang chairs, sofa, etc!

(Dili ra si Richale ang nabiktima sa bed bugs in their chairs.)

Conversations with Friends: Old Movies

Ocer: Kaila ka atong movie...katong duha ka iro na in love?
Me: Wala.
Ocer: I think kaila ka ana. Karaan na to...
Chrisna: Karaan daw ka, Khon!

Bipbip!

While akong gi kugos si Bipbip...
Bipbip: Wide (ride) the car.
Me: Ok, upod ka sa akon puli.
Bipbip: Upod mama.
Me: Indi upod si mama.
Bipbip: Upod mama!!! (Reaching out to mama kay mo escape na sya from me)

(Bip, kuyawan ka makidnap ka ni Tita Khonie?)

Conversations with Friends: Macho Man

Ric: Wala lagi ni apil sayaw si Macho Man?
Jane: Mosayaw diay na sya?
Ric: Oo. Mokanta sad na sya. Apil sad na sya sa... (wa na ko kadungog sa sumpay)
Jane: Aw all-around diay na sya!?

British Bipbip

Me: The car is broken. Can you fix it?
Bipbip: No pwoblem!

~*~

Me: Ikaw drive, Bip.
Bipbip: You ah the passengeh.

~*~

Bipbip: My spowtscah is fatter (faster) than Tita Khonie's spowtscah.

Conversations with Friends: Kids

Me: Shynne, pila na gani edad sa imong anak?
Shynne: 9 na. Ikaw, kanus-a man ka?
Me: Uhmmm... ngita sa ko’g bana...

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Noodles

Nagpaluto ug chicken noodle soup si Yuan. Gihurot niya ang noodles ug gibilin ang sabaw...
Yuan: Never trust that soup. It will make you a giant.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Boyfriend and Baby

Yuan: Tita Khonie, when are you going to have a boyfriend?
Me: Why?
Yuan: So you can have a baby and name him Yuan.

(Mas sayon pa kung iadopt nalang nako ka Yuan!)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: I Want

Outside McDonald's there are puppies for sale.
Inside McDonald's, getting ready to order...
Me (to Yuan): What do you want?
Yuan: I want a puppy.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Make Up

Fin: Tita Khonie, are you going to put on make up?
Me: No, because I don’t know how.
Fin: (long thoughtful pause and ang nawng murag di gyud ma take na mo attend ko’g kasal na wala’y make up) You should ask Tita Justine to put make up on you.

Kung kabalo pa lang si Fin mo make up, I’m sure mo volunteer to na sya mo make up nako!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Baby Sister

Yuan (with big eyes and an awed expression on his face): Wait! It’s May! My sister’s going to be born on May 30! 😍

(This little boy is excited! 💕)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Diet Advice

Diet advice from a 9-year-old
Yuan: Tita Khonie, you shouldn't drink the ramen soup.
Me: But it's so yummy!
Yuan (very serious face): I'm serious. It will make you very fat.

Conversations with Friends: Briefs

Yuan: My brief hurts.
Doc Marvin: Oh your brief has feelings!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Outside

Doc Marvin: It’s so hot outside! 😓 
Fin: Then why did you stay outside?! 🤔

Conversations with Friends: Dishwashing

After lunch, si Doc Marvin nanghugas sa mga pinggan...
Mother: Ayaw Doc, kami lang ana. Di man gani ka manghugas pinggan sa inyo.
Me: Di gyud, kay di man na sya mokaon sa ila!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Mobile Legends Battle

Mobile Legends battle (Fin, Yuan, Erick, Doc Marvin) in progress...
Me: Busyha ninyo uy!
Fin: Tita Khonie! We’re trying to win! Stop disturbing!!!

From the Mouths of Nine-Year-Olds: Mobile Legends

In my room..
Me (to Fin and Yuan): Tito Marvin is here...
Fin and Yuan: Aaaahhh!!! Mobile Legends!!!
(And they hurried outside kay na abot na ilang kaduwa sa ML! Byaan dayon si Tita Khonie! 😫 Haha)