Friends: Incomplete

Overheard...
BriMol: Daghan kaayo ko'g hot sauce o. Pizza nalay kuwang.

Friends: Lovelife

Me: Nibalik na raba si Malou diri sa NCR. Ni gawas ra sya sa NCR para magkalovelife.
Marvin: Gawas sad daw, Khon...

Friends: Thoughtful

Sundee: Natouch gyud ko. Nangutana si foodpanda "Kumain ka na ba?"

Friends: Good Morning!

Overheard two aisles over...
Jharm (high pitched): Good morniiiing!
Ireneo: Mura ma'g parrot gibutang sa tangkal.

Friends: Computer Games

Ric: Mi-ne-sweeper

Friends: Wall....?

Deciding on a spot before the gig starts...

Ley: Diri nalang ta sa kilid. Mga wallpaper ta. Aw, wallflower diay.

Friends: Order

Ordering at McDonald's...

Meong: Miss, isa ka JollyMcSpaghetti.

Friends: BBW

Ley: Di na ka mobalik BBW, Khon?
Hannah: Adto ta unya, dili lang ta palit...
Me: Kamo kay naa moy self control....ako wala wahahahhaha basta libro dali kaayo ko ma ilad hahahahahah
Ley: At least dili sa gugma, Khon.

Overheard: Fiction

Ric overheard this conversation at BBW Book Sale...
Girlfriend (annoyed): Unsa man jud imong gipangita ba?
Boyfriend: Mga books about dinosaurs lagi.
Girlfriend: Aw adto ta's fiction.
Boyfriend: Di man gud na fiction ang dinosaurs.

Conversations with Friends: Dance

Over coffee with some college friends...

Melissa (to Haidee): Kabalo diay ka mosayaw?
Me: Oo, dugay na na, gaskwela pa ta...

Haidee: Di man gud ko mosayaw while gaklase.

Conversations with Friends: How Often

Adie: Naa'y turon?
Ric: Naa sometimes, pero dili always.

Conversations with Friends: 2020

Alex: Khon, murag imo na gyung year next year.
Me: Huh? Ngano man?
Alex: 2020 na next year. Makakita na'g klaro mga laki nimo. 20/20 vision na sila.

Expectation

Papa: Hapit na imong birthday. Asa ta magcelebrate? Dad-a imong expectation.
Me: Expectation?
Papa: Imong hapon. Imong future.

Conversations with Friends: Eye Check

Juven: Dili na daw kaklaro si Paul anang Exit sign.
Me (to Paul): Nagpacheck ka sa imong mata pag APE?
Paul: Oo. Stigmata daw.

Overheard: Shape

Rhea: Kanang square na rectangle...

Conversations with Friends: Movie Night 2

Jopay: Gabii ang movie? Di ta kita ana...
Me: Ngano man? Buta ka?

Conversations with Friends: Movie Night

Ric: Movie Night pud daw ta inig August 2.
Roseby: Feeling nako di na mahalin ang movie night.
Ley: Parehas mi ni movie night...

Conversations with Friends: Mingaw

After Marvin Fornis dropped off his car at my house...

Me: Do you have to go to J Mall na?

Marvin: Stay sa ko 30 minutes. Mag reminisce sa ko. Mingaw na ko sa inyong stove. Sa inyong sink...

(Marv, kung ni ingon pa lang ka in advance, gibinlan unta nako ka ug daghan hugasan para ma feel gyud nimo imong pag reminisce. But seriously, we had such good times. And now adulting took us all to different paths—read: everyone got married and had kids, except me. But I am glad that through the years, despite our busy lives, the bonds of friendship weren't severed. You are one of my closest guy friends and I am grateful for our friendship.)

Commentator

After the results of the Pacman–Thurman fight was announced...
Commentator: All I can say is thank God for the two judges who got it right. There's no way that this was a split decision. The judge who voted in favor of Thurman should not be allowed to judge professional boxing ever again.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Shorts

Pacman–Thurman fight
Fin: Is he (Thurman) even wearing shorts underneath that?!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Doctor

Doc Marvin was given the task of cutting the puso...
Fin: Uy! You're doing surgery on a puso!

Conversations with Friends: Choppy Part 2

Anne: When man imo first kiss?
Paul: 17... aw, 16....
Me: 2016?

Conversations with Friends: Choppy Part 1

Paul: Five minutes.
Glossil: Wow, big words, feminist.

Conversations with Friends: Available for Testing

Ric: Please confirm if available mo for testing karon...
Me: Available ko since 2013.

Conversations with Friends: Wholesome

Adie: Ric, wholesome ba mo nga grupo? O moinom sad mo?
Ric: Uh...both man guro. Wholesome pero moinom pud...?
Glossil: Wholesome man pud guro ta...
April (to Glossil): Ikaw man jud ang pinakapalainom sa ato!

Conversations with Friends: Pay Up

Juven: You own me 100 pesos.
Ley: I don't own you.

Conversations with Friends: Single

While walking around IT Park, I spot BDO and YO...
Me: Hello, Lovebirds!
Bryan: Hello, Single! Asa ka?
Me: Walk around IT Park.
Bryan: Is that the life of a single? Forever? Forever alone?
Yany: Di man na sya forever alone.
Bryan: Ugma naa na na syay kuyog.
Me: Me, myself, and I.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Fashion Critic

Going out for dinner...
Yuan: Tita Khonie, why are you wearing that (longsleeves, cardigan, skirt)?
Me: Why?
Yuan: Like you're going to work.

(Naa koy fashion critic.)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Japan

Fin: Mommy, can I go to Japan with Tita Khonie?
Mommy Kitchie: What about school?
Fin: Oh. I forgot about that.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Believe

Daddy Erick: Yuan, what time did you sleep last night?
Yuan: 1am.
Daddy Erick: I don’t believe you.
Yuan: I believe in myself.

Conversations with Friends: Reassurance

Christian Trazo offered some snacks...
Me: Thanks, but di lang, mosamot ko’g katambok.
Christian: Ok ra nang tambok kay naa pay chance moniwang. Ang putot wa nay chance motubo.

(Salamat for giving me hope even if ikaw wa nay hope haha)

Conversations with Friends: Crazy Rich Asians

While talking about buying/renting a house in Cebu...
Yohei: Oh, my friends (Yohei Koyama and Sasagu) are rich. Crazy rich Asians. I'm not like them. I'm not rich.
Me: You're just crazy.

From the Mouths of Nine-Year-Olds: BFF?

Yuan: Fin, are we best friends?
Fin (in an exasperated tone): Yuaaaannn, we’re cousins!

From the Mouths of Nine-Year-Olds: Snow World

Yuan: Fin, have you been to Snow World? It’s so cold there.
Fin: Yes. It’s so bati. The ice is not ground up properly, there’s ice cubes everywhere.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Curfew

Fin (to mommy): You pick me up 4 hours from now.
Mommy Kitchie: Haaaaa!!!
Tito Erick: It's already 9pm...
Fin (to mommy): Ok, sorry, sorry, 3 hours from now. 12 midnight.

(Wow ha, when we were in highschool 6pm among curfew; and in college, 12 midnight. Fin, you’re barely 10 and ikaw pa nagset sa imong curfew. 😅)

Conversations with Friends: Dumbbells

In Daiso...
Tine Ebo: Hala, tag 88 ra ang dumbbells.
Glossil: Pila ka pounds?
Tine: Two.
Glossil (picks up a dumbbell): Gaan ra lagi ni...
Me: Mao nang tag 88 ra.

Office Outfit

It’s 625am and I’m sitting on my bed wearing a shirt and a pair of shorts when mother walks in... 
Mother: Wala pa ka nag ilis haw?
Me: Tapos na. Malakat na ko...
Mother: Mag amo lang ka na?!

(Watch out, magpambalay ra ko karon sa opisina)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Trick Question

Yuan: Tita Khonie, can boys wear overalls?
Me: Yes
Yuan: Can you buy me one?

*adds to shopping list*
(Ilad na pud si Tita Khonie)

Overheard: Haircut

Kiko is a male officemate with long hair...
Bobit: Kiks, kung magpatupe ka, adto ka sa parlor o sa barbero?

Conversations with Friends: Eyeglasses

Trying on round eyeglass frames...
Me: Kate, angayan ra ko?
Kate: Ummm... small circle, small circle, big circle!

(Uhh okay, wa koy angay ❌)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Books

In front of my bed is my shelf, buckling under all the weight of books...
Fin: What will happen if all your books fell on you?
Me: I’ll be buried alive. I’ll die.
Fin: Can I have all your books when you’re dead?

I Know What You Ate

After kaon ug samgyupsal, nisulod mi sa Mangaholic...
Mangaholic staff: Gigutom man ko uy. Humot man gud mo’g barbecue.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: The World

Fin: Your stomach’s like the whole world!

Whole world = lingin 😂

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Scary Movies

Me: Let's watch a movie. What movie do you want to watch?
Yuan: It!
Me: No, that's scary!
Yuan: We can hug each other!

Conversations with Friends: Warning!

Kate: Asa man mo tukar imo friend?
Me: Sa Kukuk's.
Kate: Warning!!! Ayaw gyud lingkod or sandig sa ilang chairs, sofa, etc!

(Dili ra si Richale ang nabiktima sa bed bugs in their chairs.)

Conversations with Friends: Old Movies

Ocer: Kaila ka atong movie...katong duha ka iro na in love?
Me: Wala.
Ocer: I think kaila ka ana. Karaan na to...
Chrisna: Karaan daw ka, Khon!

Bipbip!

While akong gi kugos si Bipbip...
Bipbip: Wide (ride) the car.
Me: Ok, upod ka sa akon puli.
Bipbip: Upod mama.
Me: Indi upod si mama.
Bipbip: Upod mama!!! (Reaching out to mama kay mo escape na sya from me)

(Bip, kuyawan ka makidnap ka ni Tita Khonie?)

Conversations with Friends: Macho Man

Ric: Wala lagi ni apil sayaw si Macho Man?
Jane: Mosayaw diay na sya?
Ric: Oo. Mokanta sad na sya. Apil sad na sya sa... (wa na ko kadungog sa sumpay)
Jane: Aw all-around diay na sya!?

British Bipbip

Me: The car is broken. Can you fix it?
Bipbip: No pwoblem!

~*~

Me: Ikaw drive, Bip.
Bipbip: You ah the passengeh.

~*~

Bipbip: My spowtscah is fatter (faster) than Tita Khonie's spowtscah.

Conversations with Friends: Kids

Me: Shynne, pila na gani edad sa imong anak?
Shynne: 9 na. Ikaw, kanus-a man ka?
Me: Uhmmm... ngita sa ko’g bana...

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Noodles

Nagpaluto ug chicken noodle soup si Yuan. Gihurot niya ang noodles ug gibilin ang sabaw...
Yuan: Never trust that soup. It will make you a giant.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Boyfriend and Baby

Yuan: Tita Khonie, when are you going to have a boyfriend?
Me: Why?
Yuan: So you can have a baby and name him Yuan.

(Mas sayon pa kung iadopt nalang nako ka Yuan!)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: I Want

Outside McDonald's there are puppies for sale.
Inside McDonald's, getting ready to order...
Me (to Yuan): What do you want?
Yuan: I want a puppy.

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Make Up

Fin: Tita Khonie, are you going to put on make up?
Me: No, because I don’t know how.
Fin: (long thoughtful pause and ang nawng murag di gyud ma take na mo attend ko’g kasal na wala’y make up) You should ask Tita Justine to put make up on you.

Kung kabalo pa lang si Fin mo make up, I’m sure mo volunteer to na sya mo make up nako!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Baby Sister

Yuan (with big eyes and an awed expression on his face): Wait! It’s May! My sister’s going to be born on May 30! 😍

(This little boy is excited! 💕)

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Diet Advice

Diet advice from a 9-year-old
Yuan: Tita Khonie, you shouldn't drink the ramen soup.
Me: But it's so yummy!
Yuan (very serious face): I'm serious. It will make you very fat.

Conversations with Friends: Briefs

Yuan: My brief hurts.
Doc Marvin: Oh your brief has feelings!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Outside

Doc Marvin: It’s so hot outside! 😓 
Fin: Then why did you stay outside?! 🤔

Conversations with Friends: Dishwashing

After lunch, si Doc Marvin nanghugas sa mga pinggan...
Mother: Ayaw Doc, kami lang ana. Di man gani ka manghugas pinggan sa inyo.
Me: Di gyud, kay di man na sya mokaon sa ila!

From the Mouth of a Nine-Year-Old: Mobile Legends Battle

Mobile Legends battle (Fin, Yuan, Erick, Doc Marvin) in progress...
Me: Busyha ninyo uy!
Fin: Tita Khonie! We’re trying to win! Stop disturbing!!!

From the Mouths of Nine-Year-Olds: Mobile Legends

In my room..
Me (to Fin and Yuan): Tito Marvin is here...
Fin and Yuan: Aaaahhh!!! Mobile Legends!!!
(And they hurried outside kay na abot na ilang kaduwa sa ML! Byaan dayon si Tita Khonie! 😫 Haha)